Old Kringle^* | Sunklands

Tag Archives: Old Kringle^*

March 5, 2017 · 7:47 am

Secret Santa

Old Kringle was perhaps not the worst of the Santas, but he also certainly did not represent their best. As mentioned, he had a fairly serious dark side. He was not a killer, a slayer of elves verbatim. But he did cast them out into the cold and wilderness at times to fend for themselves. Often they were ill equipped. Woody Woodmanson was his first living toy. Then came Woody2, 3, 4, 5, quickly renamed each time. Old Kringle let the elves choose the name of the second to boost sagging moral and empower them in some fractional manner (their choice: Tom1). When making this decision, he had started reading a book called “The Green and the Grey” by John Bennerson. It was a short-lived positive influence. He realized about a third of the way through that he simply couldn’t identify with the main character, a man named John like the author who opposed enslavement of Martians. Well, didn’t his elves have some Martian blood in them, since they derived from the same prime race? So he threw the book in the fire, which Mrs. Kringle retrieved and then read the unburnt 2/3rds afterwards. One year later they were divorced. Younger Kringle became Old Kringle without supporting, balancing soulmate. The rift was final. Although not directly responsible, Old Kringle found out about dumped elf bodies in Purden Gorge and said nothing about it. This wasn’t the work of Arosa’s unfortunately named Satan Santa either, who was a quite cuddly, effeminate character underneath all that zombie skin. Nor Butchie Santa down in Smithers Bluff. No, this was a different kind of reddie, as they called their clan. A rouge one.

Old Kringle keeping a watchful eye on his elves as they slave away in his Porvoo toy factory.

Green and White

The next morning, Snowmanster and Woody were able to talk in private for the first time while Wheeler went back to Cloudmont to check out a forest oddity I’ll get to in a minute.

Woody spoke frankly. “Why would you bring such a person to this sacred realm, Snowmanster? You must feel the (bad) vibrations surrounding her.”

“I do, I do,” admitted the white being. “She’s been dwelling in a nasty place. You wouldn’t have heard of it.”

“I’ve been to college, Snowmanster,” declared the toy avatar proudly, tenor voice piping up. “Second in my class.”

“Of *five.*” Snowmanster then backtracked on his putdown, feeling the hurt. “Yes, yes it *was* a great accomplishment, Woody. I’m proud of you.”

“And I have a key because of it. I never let it go, not in sleep, not in travel, not in any circumstance. I am the first toy avatar of my clan to earn one.” He clutched the gleaming gold object even harder.

“Very proud indeed,” Snowmanster reinforced. He looked down into the vast Purden woods, containing perhaps five times the amount of trees as the Rubi Forest. He spotted the appropriate, sticky-outy tree from his perch.

“I suppose we’ll have to visit Alena next.”

“Of course,” replied the wooden man, also looking down. “And Core.”

“Of course.”

—–

Woody Woodmanson didn’t learn a lot about the current situation from surprisingly tight lipped Snowmanster. He was disappointed. He and Snowy went back a long ways now, all the way to the North Pole when Woody was still a twinkle in Old Kringle’s ancient eye. The first sound he remembers was cowbell. Woody would be different — a living toy to aid the elves’ arduous task of preparing for Christmas 11 3/4 months out of the year. After the event was over they’d get a week’s break until New Years Day. That was it as far as vacation, sick days, anything. There was a dark side to Old Kringle indeed. If you became unable to accomplish your tasks for any significant time (minus during the aforementioned break) you were sent away and replaced by another. Like numerous others before and after, this would be the fate of Woody at the age of 8 when he contracted elm disease. Rudolph the Reindeer, shiny red nose dulled with age, led him to the borders of the North Pole to say goodbye. Newly hewed Woody2, as they originally dubbed him, was already at work soldering together toy parts in the work shed behind them.

Snowmanster awaited beyond the boundary. He helped take care of those cast aside — helped them heal up if needed and then channeled them into different lives, better lives in some instances. Woody was very lucky. Master Luke Purden’s elf servant at the castle, another North Pole refuge, had just been destroyed by a rouge Yeti. Snowmanster put in a good word. He was there watching from the woods the day Woody’s limbs were attached to his body and the magic powder of life borrowed from Mid Rhonda over in Meribel was sprinkled over him head to foot. It was the first time Old Kringle involved himself with the dark arts, but certainly not the last. Woody Woodmanson knew well the feeling of evil and dread.

So Purden Castle, perched between eastward green Purden and westward white Cloudmont, became his home. Luke Purden died on March 17, 1968, the exact day the trees began to die over in the Rubi Woods far to the north. Woody’s inheritance enabled him to attend Meribel College and receive a degree in psychics. There was some overlap in his studies with the tiny witch “college within a college”, a separate entity from Meribel but paradoxically joined with it at the same time. This was the same internal college that produced Mid Hazel in 1972, one of two graduates that year. Snowmanster didn’t yet know this fact. Wheeler had slaughtered Plain Wayne too soon to find out.

Woody’s key vibrated abberantly as Wheeler walked back into the castle ruins from the west. “Even Whiter Walt, pheh,” she said, plopping her Bowie body down on the stone block next to them. “How many woods *does* he inhabit?”

“A lot,” answers Snowmanster. “I would even dare to venture: every one of ’em.”

What she’d been studying.