Collagesity 2015-2016 Winter (Chapter 05 of 16: Ancients)



Ancients Rising



(joined in progress)


They’re all coming back, all the Ancients. Isn’t that marvelous?

Baker Blinker:

*No* Carrcassonnee, I don’t think it is.


You are the Original Baker. Ur Baker. B-a-k-u-r. But I will call you sweetie. I call Lisa cutie or hottie at times to cheer her up. Us women must stick together.

Baker Blinker:

You can call me Ms. Blinker.

Baker Bloch:

Or you can just call her Baker Blinker. And me Baker Bloch, Carrcassonnee. Or Ms. Blinker and Mr. Bloch. Just not sweetie, probably.

Baker Blinker:

No. I don’t like that.


I will call you Original Baker. Original Baker? (pause)

Baker Blinker:



The Ancient you call Mr. Low, speaking of misters, has come to take Baker Bloch back to the netherworld. The old world. Baker Blinker, sorry, Original Baker. Okay I’ll just call you Baker Blinker, or Baker Too. Anyway, you must keep Mr. Low underwater — sleeping with the fishes.

Baker Bloch:

Why did he manifest in the very spot that Karoz crashed last night? I visited Karoz at his apartment this morning. He’s a bit hung over, but he’s fine. I believe he’s taking target practice now at Poppy Pond, but with his silencer on as you requested.


Yup. Don’t want those things popping right outside my window.

(Karoz walked into the gazebo)

“There’s another one in my pond.”

Baker Bloch:



Yep. (pause) I think he might be dead. He’s floated to the top.


Did you pop him one?




You did, though.

Karoz (confessing):

Yeah. I couldn’t tell what he was. He scared me.

Baker Bloch:

We better go look. Excuse us Carrcassonee.


Sure. Bring me back a leg.

Baker Blinker:





Baker Bloch:

Well, he’s dead, Carrcassonnee. We killed an Ancient. What will we do now?


Wait for the worst and hope for the best. More are coming.

Meanwhile in eastern Collagesity…

… the worst of the worst arrives.




“He’ll take over Collagesity Heights. He’ll watch ‘Uncle Meatwad’ over and over until he’s sick…”

Hucka D.:

From eating the popcorn, yeah. Then he’ll roll over and sleep. Then he’ll wake up and start it all over again. *We’ll* have to provide the popcorn and the drinks. He doesn’t like shakes, oddly enough.


How long can this go on?

Hucka D.:

Until it’s done.


“Karl, you’re an Ancient. You’ve got to help us. You’re the only good (hiccup) only good Ancient I’ve ever known.”

“Yeah, that’s because I have fur. I’ve changed. I’ve adapted to this place. I’m *Furry* Karl now.”

“Great,” responds Baker Bloch.

“Anyhow, I haven’t spoken to those cretans in many ages. I just lived next to the wad of ’em. Sure they came over all the time and I came over to their place. But it was mainly to complain.”

Baker looks down into his 5th drink of the night and thinks about crying. “Hucka D., you know, the blog spirit…”

“Don’t talk about spirits in this place,” Karl reprimands.

“He says we might not be able to get rr-rid of them. It’s their world now. Theirs.” He pointed up to the sky with his free hand.

“I’m going fishing with my cousin Crash down at the coast. I’m washing my furry hands of the whole mess. *You* guys deal with it. They’re not my type any more. There’s Crash now… hey, watch the rod!”


Baker Bloch looked over at the door of the bar. A pure bred, cartoon looking furry stood there. Karl’s cousin Crash. Trouble is, there were two of him to Baker Bloch, blurring in and out of each other.

“Two”, is all Baker could manage as they left together, rod in hands.

“Goodbye to you too, Baker Bloch,” Karl called back through the door. “And Merry Fucking Easter.”

Hucka D. was looking down on him as his alcohol poisoned head sank to the bar countertop. He actually hovered over him, like an angel. Something had happened that Baker Bloch would never get over. Karl probably wouldn’t return, at least for a long time. Carrcassonnee herself was packing bags. Yes, something had shifted. Unplanned maintenance.


The next day, Baker Bloch was hung over but not hallucinating any more. The crash was over.

Or was it?



No it was not a dream or an hallucination. Furry Karl had really left town with his cousin Crash to fish on the coast. The ancient Mr. Low was still in the pool outside the bar, staring with those horrible eyes at every passerby. *The Master* had made his evil lair up there in Collagesity Heights — Baker Blinker was practically his slave (again) already. It was all leading up to this, both this blog and the old Baker Blinker Blog. Those Ancients had taken over the air, the water. Soon all land would surely follow.

Luckily Baker Bloch had been studying the center of the tetraptych again on the main floor of the Red Umbrella. That vortex he stares at below strongly reminded him of a picture from the blog his user, me, inserted concerning “Uncle Meatwad” about a week ago now.


Here’s the post he’s thinking back to, and the picture:

Uncle Meatwad Too

He goes over to look at his double to the right in the tetraptych. Same size… exactly it seemed. It was as if he could sit in the same position and actually enter the reality of the collage, which was a streetview of Middletown, USA, the wife and I’s future home, most likely. Future reality, then.


Baker goes over to the gallery’s teleporter. The same swirl, the same type of vortex.


Through it he visits each of the 5 legitimate galleries in Collagesity. Below he teleports out of the Power Tower.


What he gets out of this zigzag of visits is that each gallery has that map of Jasper County, Illinois in it, with different towns and villages highlighted. Jasper must be the vortex, he realized! Jasper and Newton together, somehow activating the whole thing. The taijitu again. Karl would like that.

He returns to the Red Umbrella after the tour, and the central vortex. Something had happened in the meantime. Something had been activated. It was the 5 part visit, drawing a complete pentagram. Now he was on a higher octave. Now he was buzzing like a bee again. Angelic.


The vortex was growing…


… and then took him in.



Baker Blinker was again in charge of my virtual family. She had no choice but to step into the open void as black hole begat black hole.

Baker Blinker emails the rest of the town about Baker Bloch’s disappearance, and the takeover by Ancients. She had much freedom work to do ahead of her. But first, The Master needs more popcorn.



The Master discovers himself on Youtube


Looks like he’s settled in for the day. Maybe Baker Blinker can get some well deserved shuteye now, or even pop out again to see exiled Carrcassonnee over in Nautilus City.

But, no, here comes Baker Bloch’s father Spaced Ghost, fresh from the woods.

“Hellooo! Son?”



After talking with Spaced Ghost for an hour, Baker Blinker decides she really needs a quick swallow of a strong drink before heading up to see about that stupid Ancient again. She was hoping he was snoozing away, although that means he’ll be awake and cranky — *crankier* — in an hour or two. Best he’s still watching tv, she rationalizes. She’ll pop up there and then pop back down here to finish her drink if all is well.

In walking into the bar just around the corner from her house (formerly Baker Bloch’s house, of course), she was surprised to see Furry Karl behind the counter.


“Karl, I thought you went away on an extended vacation. I was just about to help myself to some booze on the house, hee hee. Your vacation got cut short? And there’s Karoz. Hi Karoz.”


Karoz still stares toward his computer card game. He’s drunk and he’s immersed.

“Hey Dream Boy,” prompts Karl, “a pretty girl just stepped into the bar. Say hello to her. You loser.”

“Wha-what?” Karoz pivots his head. A dream appears at the door. “Baker Blinker,” he thinks. “Why haven’t I noticed you in this way before?” He manages a weak “hi to you” back at her.



Turns out Karl never went on a vacation. He doesn’t have a full furry cousin named Crash. “*Second Life* crashed last night,” he explains to Baker Blinker, almost halfway through her gin and tonic now. “We *all* winked out for a bit, then came back. I remember going to the white place again, the place that baker b. and Hucka D. talk in a lot of times. You know what I’m talking about. The Palace. The Nothing Zone. That’s where I went. How about you?”

Baker Blinker had to think hard. She wasn’t in Second Life much at all any more, although that’s rapidly changing. “I honestly don’t know. How about you Karoz? What effect did the crash have on you?”

Karoz was tongue-tied. I mean, she was directly talking to him but all he could do was look at beauty.


Venus de Milo kind of stuff we’re talking about here. She could have been asking him to go fuck yourself for all he cared. He just focused on the movements of the mouth, the hair, those eyes. “I’ve got to get myself back home,” he thought. “I’m in a state!”

“Karoz?” Baker Blinker offered. “You okay?”

“Tennessee or Kentucky,” he blurted, and then fell off the bar stool.

He was in a cast for two days, which is a long time for Second Life. Baker Blinker tended to him while he was laid up. They shared nightime stories about the old days of Jeogeot. As he could, he helped her with work The Master always had lined up in a queue. There was the “Uncle Meatwad” list to deal with one day. I’ll get to that soon, perhaps in the next post.



“Carr, I only have a little time for you, but I thought we’d catch up. I know we didn’t get started again on exactly the right foot but I’ll go more with the flow now. It’s just that I’m so *busy*, relatively speaking.”


Relatively speaking to what?

Baker Blinker:

Other avatars I suppose.


Karoz Blogger was set to work days at the Bodega market and nights at the Hole in the Wall bar — until Karl came back, let’s say. He really *did* go away, you know.


Hmm. I suppose you’re right. Everyone has busy lives in their own way. Even those that work a job and then come home and watch football or baseball.


Everyone has their own schedule. And I know everyone is getting use to *you* being in charge over there.


Yeah, Spaced Ghost, Baker Bloch’s father of course, came in yesterday all like, “Where’s my son? What did you do to my son??” and then after 20 minutes I had him eating out of the palm of my hand, tee hee.


You have a way with people, a charm. I had that when I was younger, in my naughts as I called them. When I reached 100 I noticed my first tiny wrinkle on my beautiful olive skin. And it went on from there. That was many body lifts ago. But don’t I look marvelous for 415!


BB (looking her over better):

You do! And then I’m taking care of Karoz now. He should be mended in a day or two.


Another eating out of hand situation.


Well, he has that *look* when he sees me come in the house. I don’t guess he’s that retarded all the time.




But I think you’re going to say: This can’t last. It’s not good for you to be all the way out here on Nautilus City island and away from your people. The town needs you.


Yes, precisely what I was going to say. Don’t get too complacent about the situation. Obviously you’re still a slave to The Master upstairs in his penthouse digs. That’s not right. You must be free, and you must free Baker Bloch from the vortex. Everyone will forget about him soon as they keep turning to you for help instead. They’ll run you in the ground.


I’m tougher than I look.


Oh you’re tough. So what are you going to do about it? You start and then I’ll go.


Well, I suppose we have to… I don’t really know to be honest. I can just see myself getting wore out quick. I’ll have a nervous breakdown soon!


No, the situation can’t last. Have you seen Spongeberg by chance? He’s a wild card in all this, perhaps *the* wild card. A rook card (Carr. smiles)


No, I haven’t. So what’s the plan? Spill the beans.


Interesting expresso expression. Get Karoz to help you with the “Uncle Meatwad” list. We’ll go from there. Teleport over here every 3 or 4 days if you can. We’ll leave it at that. And: good luck sweetie!

(Carrcassonnee’s eye winks off. Baker Blinker thinks to herself that she’s conserving energy now. She doesn’t have nearly as much of it since she’s separated from the town and the people. “I’ve got to get her back,” Baker says.)



It was the worst thing she could do. Wander into the woods and begin to daydream. The forest did that to people. That’s why Furry Karl shot the trees full of holes. That’s why the certain tales were told of a former trippy rock star named Sid or Syd haunting the place and singing wildly out of tune songs on the darkest of nights. She spied a spirit from the edge of Collagesity, yes, a white haze. But through distance viewing she saw it was a woman like herself. She admired the large, shiny earrings the person wore. She wanted to know more about them. She *had* to know more. And so she entered… and forgot.

The Master ran out of popcorn and fizzy drink. This activated something inside him. He remembered he could walk around. It was the worst thing. He waddled to the side of Collagesity Heights and fell off, landing with a thud on the ground below. But he was okay! He got up, dusted himself off with his stubby yellow arms, and started sashaying toward the woods. He was suddenly remembering all kinds of things…


… like there was this little red man named Lockfry trapped inside him who had the same weirdo father. “Cool”, he thought. “A little bro boy inside who walks me around like a reverse dog. I don’t have to do anything except to desire it. And I desire buttered popcorn and syrupy cola!”


The Master high fived a suddenly manifesting Ancient on the other side of Central Pool as he rounded the last corner before the straightway toward the woods. Because he knew she was out there. Lockfry had told him. Lockfry controlled everything.


“Wake up out there, Master needs you!”


The voice was like a chainsaw cutting through her trance. What had she done?!