Category Archives: Horns of Hatton^

deposed

She glances outside at the warped superhero still producing white or grey matter from his bucket. Like magic; another isolated superpower. But the meeting needs to come to order.

“Here here!” she cries, waving her monstrous red hands before the group. “We’ll have to start without him, ahem. We are — at the place Grey Scale can’t reach thanks to Cpt. Americus and, um, perhaps Chicken Itza — we’ll see. The chickens cluck, the cocks are eaten. Crows flies, uh.”

“We understand,” spoke aiding Norton Wise Turtle (alternately Wise Norton Turtle) from the corner, likewise nursing a blue-green martini. Nursing it to death.

“Fish Head!” she prompted. “Give us a report.”

“Water,” Fish Head bubbled and gurgled opposite Norton Wise Turtle. He also had a blue martini, locally called a Blue William, which he poured into his fish head bowl intermittently. “Fish,” he added just as gurgly. “Scale — working for.”

“Excellent. Good information. How about you Flat Tire?”

But Flat Tire Crow Flies hadn’t rezzed in yet. Just a colorful mist still.

“Never mind, then,” spoke the queen after silence. *Former* queen. “And then: Space Ghost. My old friend. One of my oldest friends.”

“I’ll never leave this land,” Space Ghost reinforced, having already nursed an empty wine glass. To death. “This land is my land and this land is your land.” He pointed around the room. “Each and every one of you.” He settles back in his chair. “If you so choose.”

“Thank you. Anything to add Wise Norton Turtle?” Norton Wise Turtle took the last swig of his drink and states, “That’s all. I believe we’re at The End.”

And he was correct.

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this land is my land

“I will never leave here, Kevin Orchardsity.”

“Kevin A., please,” replies a pleased Kevin A. Space Ghost (Young) knows their full name(!). But Kevin C. and Kevin E.: left behind in gay ol’ Regaltown. However, the sky box… perhaps they could come here too? What’s left for them in Regaltown, really? Grey Scale and Chesteria are here. The conquerors with their grey to white elephants. Marcus Fox Smartville will show up soon too, maybe with Chicken Itza but perhaps not as well. Bullfrog seems to be here — somewhere. Aqua Dude?

“Aqua Dude?” Kevin A. decides to mouth out loud for his roomie.

“Hmm, what’s that?” Space Ghost was daydreaming of chicken. Juicy, delicious grey or white meat.

“I’m, er, just wondering. You said Bullfrog is here.”

“Somewhere,” admits Space Ghost, still 1/2 thinking of where to pick up a bucket.

“Well what about his partner? That inverting guy?” Does Space Ghost guess he is actually Aqua Dude’s arch nemesis Super Guy on the sly? But at this point Space Ghost decides to use his own one, true superpower that we know of and make himself invisible, which actually means he’s teleported to another, local spot found on the inworld map. He has a one sim 100 meter limit.

“I can set you up,” Cpt. Americus declared between bites.

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pawn

Having faced 2 white dead ends in the southerly directions, Kevin A. rests outside the music store and looks back at Space Ghost’s trailer on what’s called “Ghost land”, even *before* their move here from Regaltown. Fate it was they were in Horns of Hatton. Like many others, Kevin A. has already shortened the name of his newly adopted hometown to just Horns. He hasn’t met the actual Horns of Jer (Left) and Benny (Right) yet, but will soon. He’s caught his breath. He’s ready to move on.

Kevin A. decides to change into tiny person Super Guy to explore underneath the store through this spotted opening here…

… but finds only one way out.

This transformation is the one superpower he has himself — as Kevin A. — since reading at a 3rd grade level doesn’t really count. Then *Super Guy’s* one, superior superpower is the ability to invert space left to right. If you remember back, Super Guy’s arch nemesis Aqua Dude’s chief superpower was the inversion of colors. In both cases, there’s the creation of a second, full world equally as large as the first. One thinks of Alice’s famous mirror world from “Through the Looking-Glass” in the case of Super Guy especially. Also different from Aqua Dude: Super Guy’s inverting powers are on automatically all the time. He has to will them *off* instead of on. So all the pictures above featuring him are actually reversed left to right from what anyone else would see.

Here’s another picture of Super Guy at the same bench we saw Jer Right Horn sitting at in the last post. “S” to “Ƨ”, you’ll notice.

And, in fact, the single path from the trailer, as Kevin A. finds out in continued experimenting, really leads here and here alone: the tomb of Max the Mad a.k.a. the Red Devil. The two parcels are inextricably tied together as one. Even the music shop opens up from the trailer side instead of toward the main part of Horns of Hatton. Very peculiar, seemingly, like a maze with only one solution for moving forward. Like *chess*. Kevin A. begins to believe he’s merely a piece in a larger game afoot.

Just beyond the tomb, a reconstituted Kevin A. then finds a portal to the next “space”. The in-between one.

Chickens, he thinks upon arriving. Always chickens.

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respects

They all sat on the bench, wondering what she was attempting to actually accomplish by being here. But they dare not ask, since they were the conquered if not the vanquished — yet. Grey Scale Kimball had assured the little people of the land that she was fairy friendly, and that she had come from Regaltown which was full of such people and they all got along very well indeed and that she herself was a type of fairy. The fairies knew what she was alluding to. Fairies are certainly not dumb creatures. Little bodies and brains, true, but a lot of thoughts spinning round those small grey matters. They knew that she was referring to homosexual fairies and not fairy fairies, although there were also homosexual fairy fairies, if not in present company.

Benny’s brother Jer showed up on the other side of the praying Grey Scale. He was much less timid in his position as the Left Horn to his brother’s Right. Horns of Hatton they were together, although not rulers of the land. That was Grey Scale now. Formerly: their father.

“My ruler,” he acknowledged Grey Scale while bowing a bit. “My brother,” he said over to Jer sitting on the bench with the fairies.

“Howdy,” Jer’s less formal brother spoke back. The fairies (Aubrey, Austin, Addison) waved “hi.”

Jer turned his attention back to Grey Scale. “May I assist you in your prayers, my ruler?” His voice was authoritative. *He* should have been the eventual ruler. Not this usurper. But armies decide battles and hers won. Certainly having the armored elephants didn’t hurt her cause. He should have thought of it first. They were there, just having a good time roaming the shallows and flats around the sacred Hills of Bill. He should have put them to good use first.

“No, I think I’ve got the hang of it,” replied Grey Scale, thinking: how hard is it to pray, dummy? I sit on the single pose ball, I *pray*. Very simple. But then she realized that maybe she was missing something. Like needed, spoken words. Perhaps a ritual mentioned in those dusty old tomes which she’s still read only about 10% of. She decided enough was enough before she got herself into hotter water, and rose solemnly, unlocking her hands. “There. I feel better,” she said, breathing deeply. She shrugged to both brothers. “But it’s war, fellas. There’s gotta be winners… and, well, losers.” She glanced into the tomb with this. The final resting place of Max the Mad, also known as the Red Devil. “Now he’s in a better place,” she tried to reassure again, but Grey Scale here instead pictured a world of fire and brimstone and much gnashing of teeth.

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grey is the day

“I’ll never get through all these books, Chesteria A. Arthur. Conquerors draw the worse lot!”

“The whole assimilation process, yes,” speaks Grey Scale’s mate from behind. She thinks: we must get rid of this blue vase I’m leaning next to and kind of hiding, yes. And that one over there as well. Don’t have Grey Scale be reminded of her blue enemy in any way. The Big Blue Machine. Like a sleeping blue whale. So deep, so blue.

“You’ve become quiet, Chesteria my love, my dearest. Please keep talking to distract me from these confounded histories before me!”

“Okay. Just don’t turn around. I have something between my front teeth and I’m presently sucking it out. Keep at least pretending to read and I’ll move to you.”

“Alright.” She feels Chesteria’s hot, 1/2 cheetah breath against the back of her neck now. “Maybe I’ll read aloud to you. Then you will feel the weight of your eyes too. Listen: ‘In 1312 the village of Horns-on-Hatt was formed with 15 soldiers of the disbursed Copper Queen’s army. Items included 10 cows for milking, 5 golden rings, 25 standard issues of toilet paper bark, 50 bayonets, 22 rubber gloves, 14 fishing rods for the hobbit pond, 77 individually wrapped pieces of copper colored candy for the boys and girls, 88…’ well, you get the picture. Do you see what I mean?” She abruptly shuts the book without saving her place somewhere near its beginning. Dust flies from it, making golden-silvery glints in the air where the sun shines. “And, you see (she waves her arm around the table here) there’s maybe 20 more to go through. I’ve done 6 — *started* 6. I just can’t even get through the 1st chapter of most. If you can call these sections chapters. ‘Moby Prick’ did writing right. These (she waves again around her) are just ephemera, the flotsam and jetsam of dull, boring grey life. Soldiers’ lives at that in this case.” She pounds the book before her with a flat palm, as if trying to compress its three dimensional nature back into 2. “*Cartoons* would be more entertaining. *Much more*. In fact…”

Chesteria was reading her mind. She had the newspaper funnies in her back pocket, ready to whip them out to stave off breakdowns. Grey Scale Kimball eagerly pushes the “soldier book” away and flattens the funnies before her. Almost immediately she begins to smile. “Hehe. Hatfield. So funny.”

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whiteright

Tom Bean was a mysterious character that showed up in Grayson County one day – having just traded his horse and pistol for a wagon with a yoke of oxen carrying a barrel of whiskey. He had everything needed to open a saloon and so he did – naming it the White Elephant for what he considered his end of the trade…. According to one source he had one blue and one brown eye.

“Thank you for the eyes.”

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Space Bridge

“Well, might as well man up and say we don’t have a finish for the Regaltown section yet, Baker Bloch,” Space Ghost speaks to his son playing the role of Bullfrog here. “Just twiddling our thumbs, waiting for lines.”

“It’s the Horns of Hatton, Dad,” his son tries to defend. “So laggy over there; it’s holding us down, impeding our progress forward.”

“If everyone blamed everything on *horns*,” Space Ghost replies firmly (presently voiced by the great Gary Owens!).

“Well — what’s your idea, then? How to go forward I mean?”

“White,” and here Space Ghost reveals the whites of his teeth. “Elephant,” he then completes crisply, making the teeth actually glint with an accompanying, tingy sound effect.

—–

Just like that they’re somewhere else. Still on the same porch, but — at Horns instead of Regaltown.

“See how easy that was, Son? You still have a lot to learn from your old man.”

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white heart elephant tree

“Oh yes, we have many plans for expansion, west *and* east sides. We will span the continent.”

“That’s great, Tillie,” exclaimed Tealy, waving his hand in front of his nose — once again, a familiar gesture. “Maybe we should stop jiggling so much now, eh?”

“Sure,” states Tillie, getting the message.

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fork

Little Oakley Annie and Big Wanda were foraging for fire kindling in the small forest when they heard the car roar by then suddenly screech to a halt. LOA threw down the sticks she was holding and moved over to the cliff on the edge of the woods. They had prepared for this moment. “The car,” she whispered to Big Wanda, now standing behind her and gazing too. “A *fast* car. We could use a replacement for that old red clunker we’re now using.”

“Which you stole off that farmer before you shot his head off,” whispered back Big Wanda.

“Well — he *sneezed* in front of me. How dare him.”

Despite wanting to protest again for the needlessness of the violence, Big Wanda remained silent. But, like Keith B. in front of her here, she too had a choice to make soon. Sooner than Keith, even.

Little Oakley Annie aimed her ever-present gun at Keith’s head. “I’ll make sure I get a clean hit so we won’t damage the Porsche. The other dude will then run and we can mow him down too. Like grasssss.” She pulled the…

Big Wanda karate chopped Little Oakley Annie’s arm down, making her almost shoot her own foot. “What the…!”, and then she turned toward her partner in crime, gun still in hand. The weapon pointed to the face, the mouth, the nose, while the holder glared. “I should have done this a looong time ago, ” she then threatens, moving toward Big Wanda while the latter retreats, now perched on the edge of the cliff. “You almost disappointed me at the Your Mama concert. 12 years in the future, 12 years in the future, 12 years in the future…”

“Hey up there!” Keith shouts from the road, quickly moving toward the cliff from the car. Jim A. Brown, however, remains frozen in place in the passenger seat. He would always remain frozen in place from now on. Because he was stuck in time.

And there was noone at the cliff any longer. Little Oakley Annie and Big Wanda’s journey through time had also ended, the Big Loop broken.

Keith looked back at the car and frozen Jim B., then back toward the empty cliff. “The Room,” he muttered. “The Room did this.” He dropped to the roads and gave thanks.

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Options 8 and 8A

“Why are we stopping here, Keith?” asked Jim, concerned with time as usual.

“I don’t know I don’t know,” answered his riding mate, his maths buddy. “I just feel… a choice needs to be made here. Juncture.” He indicates the map of Satori to their left.

“No,” returns Jim A. Brown emphatically. “We *need* to keep going up Route 8 to Golden City so that you can get back to your daughter in time for at least a late breakfast. It’s already almost light. Wasn’t my idea to go on this joy ride.” But it was totally his idea. His and the Unholy Trinity as a whole. The Scarlet Triangle — the A.Team. Keith B. needed to be thrown under a bus. But since none ran this route, a sports car would have to do. A cursed car.

Still Keith didn’t budge. “Listen,” urged Jim B., intuitively sensing some sort of outside energy influencing current affairs. “We’re about halfway there. Let me drive the rest of the way. You just take a rest. Think of some more maths while you’re relaxing.” Like the theorems connecting Golden City to Golden Sink, dufus, Jim B. thought to himself. We need your brains one last time!

“You don’t drive fast enough,” replies Keith. “Your hair won’t be all spiked up like mine if you bothered to take off your cap.”

We will notice here a similar thing happened to another character’s hair earlier in our story, and for the same reason : a screeching and spinning car. Perhaps a type of Porsche as well, but probably not the same one since the earlier vehicle was painted red. We’re talking about one Craighead Phillips, who just happens to be Keith’s future son-in-law. If he lives long enough to get any further into the future than this weekend. I’d give it 1/2 and 1/2 at this point. Jenny may not even have a father when she meets Craighead a number of years down the road and then elopes to Nautilus for a quickie wedding after an unplanned pregnancy. Preston Weston, the first of three children for her. Jenny becomes Your Mama for real. But we must get back to the Fork of Bill. For that is what it’ll be known as for future generations, whatever happens next.

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