Roger Pine Ridge

I thought I’d collect all my facebook related posts about our spring visit from R. Pine Ridge. Enjoy!

Coolie Brighton
March 19 ·

I did it. I invited the lead singer of The Residents to stay with us this summer for a day, a week, a month maybe. All drinks on us. Edna is preparing to move in with our best friend. But I think our best friend might want to stay with us when the visit is in progress, honestly. We’ll go to Linville Falls of course. Beech Mtn., but most of all I have to talk to him about the *aliens* in the woods near our house. I think he and he alone might understand them. And, oh yeah, there’s the synchs. The glorious synchs.

Coolie Brighton
March 21 ·

Several people have written to me about the recent invites to several aging rock stars to come stay with us this summer. I thought I’d post my emails to both ARS for the curious.

—–

[Randy], you don’t know me but I want to invite you to stay with us in the beautiful mtns. of North Carolina, this summer if you wish. A day, a week, yes even a month. Just to get away. I have some awesome fan videos to show you, not 1, 2, but maybe 8 or 9. All an hour approx. We’ll have plenty to watch. And drink! We’ll supply you with any drink you wish. And we’re cool with all the alien stuff. Heck, I know of aliens in these here woods, and I’ve made contact (audio) myself! You’ll love it here in the NC mtns. You won’t regret making the decision to come stay with us for a spell.

—-

Hi Ray. If you ever want to get away from it all come join me and the wife in the beautiful NC mtns. Drinks on us! Come for a day, a week, a month. Randy Rose, lead singer of The Residents, might be joining us, another super hero of ours. I have unique fan videos for you and him both! Hrs. and hrs. and hrs. of entertainment. You hit a home run at the Olympics. Go Brits. Go Kinks! Go Ray!!

—–

Possible future invites: Ringo Starr (McCartney probably too busy), Ralfe Band (Edna’s idea), Tom Waits (oh yeah!… but I’ll have to admit to him that his voice makes me want to run into the hills and scream), David Bowie (but he’s afraid of Americans), David Lynch (!), Fred Frith.

I think I’ll try Fred’s number in California again.

Coolie Brighton
April 3 ·

A 2 day visit from aging variant rock legend Roger Pine Ridge, all expenses paid, is apparently locked in for the Brighton family from May 2nd through 3rd. Lucky us! Roger is presently on tour in Tibet and Hong Kong with comedians Lum and Abner. Follow all the excitement on http://www.roger-pineridge.com; I’ll keep you guys posted!

Coolie Brighton added 2 new photos.
April 4 · Edited ·

I’ve emailed the honorable Mr. Pine Ridge about our home situation, and the remedies he promises in conjunction with his oh too short stay in our fair hamlet. At the top is where we currently reside, and below it is the house we’ve handpicked for Mr. Pine Ridge to buy us. We’ll start paying him back as soon as we’re able to sell the present place. Thanks so very much once more Sir Roger, and we’ll see you after the Lhasa gig!

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Coolie Brighton
April 6 · Edited ·

R. Pine Ridge has requested to keep him abreast of my music listening before his early May visit so’s he can choose and pick what we talk about. Good idea! Here’s what I heard several times during our Virginia trip yesterday. So different, so profound. Well, maybe not as profound as different. The Resident’s reinterpretation of a John Phillip Sousa classic. Whaddaya think, Roger? Profound and different or just different?

Coolie Brighton
April 9 ·

Sorry Roger. I forgot to listen to anything in the car Mon. or Tue. I did look at a couple of videos with lots of music. I’ll talk to you more about them the night of the 2nd. We have parking room for a compact car in the drive. Otherwise you’ll have to walk up the 2 big hills. Oh, sorry, *we’ll* park at the bottom of the hills if it comes to that honorable guest!

Roger?

Coolie Brighton
April 11 · Edited ·

Roger Pine Ridge (left) with his best mate also named Roger Pine Ridge (right) shortly before the Meat Wars. I want to say c1877 but that could be 1977. Or ’67. Doesn’t really matter.

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Coolie Brighton I might like this photo better, where they switch places. Roger Pine Ridge is, of course, on the right now. And on the left. Doesn’t matter.

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Coolie Brighton
April 14 ·

Before Edna and I had one study apiece. Now we have 40 apiece. Hurray for R. Pine Ridge and the enormous royalties he reaped from “Light Side of the Sun” and other psychedelic legacy pieces! We are not sponges, just lichen (it).

Coolie Brighton
April 16 · Edited ·

We have a downstairs commode on order from Lowes to be delivered in the next several days. And all for R. Pine Ridge’s visit. That’s plural Rogers, because we don’t know which one will show up at the door, or both, or neither. But we have a new center of the downstairs bathroom for him… them… whatever. Oh never mind you ceiling, floor, 4 walls. We’ll get to you’n’s soon enough. Did you ever see Season 5 of Break’n Bad and they have all that money piled up in the warehouse and there’s nothing they can do with it really? We’ll, like most of us that’s not us. All hail Roger(s)!

Coolie Brighton
April 29 ·

R. Pine Ridge. This weekend! We’ll open the door and 1 of the 2 will be standing there. Or both. Or neither. Excitement!

Coolie Brighton
April 30 · Edited ·

R. Pine Ridge, one or the other or neither or both, in *2* f-ing days! Edna got so excited this afternoon that she left the house and went down to stay with her best friend in Asheville to rest, she said. I’m sure she’ll be refreshed and ready for riveting convo with The Ridge upon return. Tomorrow, right Edna? Come to think of it, she didn’t say. But it has to be tomorrow, because the next day. The Next Day! ARRIVAL.

Coolie Brighton
May 1 · Edited ·

O___N___ E_____D___A___Y. I HEAR HE’S IN ARKANSAS NOW. But not without a rifle thankfully.

Coolie Brighton
May 2 · Edited ·

He’s almost here. He’s in Kentucky! He said he had to stop by this place on his way east. Understandable. But which of the Rogers will show up? That’s a question to keep asking. Until we know.
http://www.kyatlas.com/ky-pine-ridge.html
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Coolie Brighton
May 3 ·

It was him. It was him. It was him.

It was him.

It was him.

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Coolie Brighton
May 5 ·

I will update soon about Roger’s visit. As soon as I become sober.

Coolie Brighton
May 6 ·

Okay, just to stop the steady flow of questions coming in I’ll post about Roger’s visit. That’s not Rogers’ visit mind you. And it was a visit so someone showed up. I’ve stated that both of us brought videos and popcorn (aawk-ward!). I believe he’s from the future, or else I’m from the past. Doesn’t matter. We watched the videos which was surprising since there was nothing in the present to play them on. See note about past/future above. Still doesn’t matter. Where’s my drink? (to be continued?)

Coolie Brighton
May 6 · Edited ·

We watched the videos, which was surprising. His was on something called s-chord; mine was on betamax. He was 105 and I was 7, but we were both the same age. We watched the videos at the same time, but we didn’t and couldn’t, see. I’ll tell my half. We watched [delete two word name]. He didn’t laugh until [delete first name] showed up wearing an Opel sports shirt. I explained that when he said he’d been on tellie that was actually in the future. Roger understood this but only in the future. Then Roger took a visit to God. That’s how he put it. He pointed to the screen at one point — point — and said, “That’s me.” He was pointing to a flat square, and God was a golden rounded sphere or just golden sphere would do. The Sphere was God. (to be continued?)

Coolie Brighton
May 6 · Edited ·

Roger stopped the betamax video 25 minutes in. Baby Lemonade was playing. Bart and Millhouse were selling lemonade. Roger didn’t like this. We began to argue. Roger said that art was a science and I said it was a religion. Roger said religion was a science and I said religion was and is an art. He talked like he was from a place where art and science and religion had ceased to exist. He was being a complete bastard. I coaxed him into playing a game — cards — Old Kentucky Rook to be exact. 25 minutes in the rook cards were flying like released geese into the air. Roger was bored and I was losing him. The front door beckoned. (to be continued?)

Coolie Brighton
May 6 ·

And that’s about it. I remember being hit on the side of the head by a beer bottle and when I woke up several seconds/minutes/hours later Roger had left. He’d even cleaned up the bottle fragments, and also there were no rook cards on the floor. But, then again, he’d never really been there, and all this was fantasy. Except it wasn’t. Hope you enjoyed the story of my visit! (not be be continued)

Coolie Brighton
May 12 ·

A message from Roger:

—–

Merk, so sorry to leave you with a headache (insert smiley face). It’s just that something within me snapped and I what I found inside was dead black instead of living green. Thinking of your http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisteria, and thanks for sharing. I hate you.

Love,
Roger.

—-

I’ll have more to say about this soon.

Merk Coolie Brighton
May 27 ·

Roger Pine Ridge (2 of 2) update soon! He got stuck in Texas! (but not without a silencer, har har har)

Coolie Brighton
June 4 · Edited ·

Update on R. Pine Ridge’s whereabouts. He’s still in the area! He came by yesterday to borrow a comb. I told him he could keep it! He refused, used, and returned. I threw it into the woods out back just as soon as he was out of sight. He said he was in Kansas. I naturally assumed the state. No, it’s *that* Kansas, the one that’s about 2.75 miles from my house as the jayhawk flies. He’s been reading my secret blog! He’s been playing with my antique pots and pans and bottles out in the Forest. He’s in that gorge. He’s in Kansas. I ain’t Lyo’n.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak3J5DayiCk

Coolie Brighton
June 6 ·

I’ve had another talk with Mr. Pine Ridge. Turns out he has quite the critical tongue, and around our house there’s a lot of targets for such abuse. I liked the other Mr. Pine Ridge better in this respect, even though he did knock me out with a beer bottle. This newer, second Pine Ridge (the critical one) now wants to live in our basement; fix things up ’round here. He suggested we watch Grey Gardens to get an idea of the what’s ahead down the road — 30 or 40 years — without intervention. I said that perhaps he should stay in his Kansas (local gorge) and work on developing something there instead — art. He doesn’t believe in the Forest aliens, lumping them with fairies, gnomes and elves as “stuff of dreams”. He admitted he thought some wood critters are very clever, approaching human intelligence. Raccoons were specified. Ants. Then aardvarks, jokingly. One of the few laughs we shared. We talked about the other Pine Ridge, the sensitive, dreamy one. “He’s done,” Roger said plainly.

Coolie Brighton
June 6 · Edited ·

The Contraption at Kansas.

What I know.

Bigger than breadbasket.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Can upload/resize its own profile picture on Facebook.
Can clone itself.
Clones can clone themselves but not ad infinitum (still working on a calculation).
Always reports time in plural (times) not singular.
Laurel and Hardy films repulse it and make its spinners retract.
Sensitive about its offbeat color scheme (repeat: DON’T make jokes about this).
Can eat its own weight in aluminum.
Weighs less than a jumbo sized uranium paperweight.
Can run on AC or DC or both at once or none at once.
Air conditioned; 2 way sneeze vents.
Can exist in up to 5 different hyper-dimensions simultaneously.
Raccoons could make it but it would take them 1 billion years.
Ants also could — 10 billion years.
Aardvards don’t have the ability to build this using any time span, and they should bite their dangly lying, bragging tongues about being able to.
Sheldon of Big Bang Theory could make one but it would take him 10,000 years.
I can’t even figure out how to turn it on.

Needless to say this is what interests R. Pine Ridge The Second about Kansas (gorge). It generated him and the other R. Pine Ridge, to begin. He’s using this to change reality itself. Not only mine but yours as well. You’ve been alerted, even warned.

contraption

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Filed under Blue Mountain, Byng, Uncategorized, Wealthy Mountain

One response to “Roger Pine Ridge

  1. Pingback: Genes 03 | Frank & Herman, Einstein!

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