Monthly Archives: July 2023

TILEist bathroom

When she grew up, bad influences started popping up in her life. Like horn rim glassed, blue haired Sally here, obviously a witch. They even played a game in high school where one took the other’s name, just to confuse the lot of ’em, the rest of the class. The *dunces*, Sally called them.

“Why do you have to sit on that seat when you talk to me in here, Sally? It’s *disgusting*.”

“I’m not using it,” Sally defended her evil self. “Anyway, what if I was? I’m certainly being discreet. You can’t see what’s under this big black dress of mine. No one can, not even (local legendary mill worker) Wilbur on his shinyest, most glistenyest day in the month of May. I reserve that for personal use.”

Shelley ignored the lewdness; kept combing her hair, trying to get it perfect again. Last Thursday, yes. That was the last time it lay upon her head just in the right spots. She was becoming vain, and Sally was egging her on, comparing her, in an inferior way, to, say, pretty girl Ginger Granite who lives down the lane. Whose lane? Certainly not Shelley’s. Maybe Jennifer the novelist who lives inside the novels she creates later on. But those days were far ahead of her still. 29 combs, she counts. 30. *Still* not right. And 30 is her lucky, magic number. Unless it’s 31, it’s changed. She combs again. “Dangit!” she curses. 32, maybe. “Dammit!” she doubles down after this, giving up with the bird’s nest mess.

“When you grow up, Shelley, when you *really* grow up, what do you want to be? A novelist? You said that at one time. You’ll have to go from dairy writing (Sally purposely said diary wrong here) to actual writing. A woman of letters is traditional if unpublishable. Maybe (she gleans), maybe you can start your own publishing company someday. That way you can publish your own! (the insinuation being that no one else would publish it)

Shelley stops staring into the mirror, looks over at Sally still spread out on the toilet. What *is* she doing underneath that dress? She’s never seen Sally take it off — ever — although she doesn’t follow her home, say, and watch her undress. Even though that would be interesting, hmm. What kind of bra does she wear, what type panties? Hanes like mine? This makes her think of Michael Jordan and the Hanes commercials, which brings her back to Grant. Grant Hill. The Sprite guy. He should have been as big as Jordan, Shelley laments not for the first time, and certainly not the last. She imagines, yes, kissing him on the lips to say she’s sorry, the least she can do. Even if it is only a sports poster she hangs above her bed, just in case she needs it. But black, others blabber, is taboo. Redbirds and Blue Jays, some put it. Dunces, true. *Idiots*. Shelley and Sally can certainly agree to that. Why they bonded in the first place — two 1st class dolts for boyfriend or boyfriend wannabes, actually. And the girls circling all around them like demented crows or ravens aren’t much better; cut from the same cloth; unkind to say the least, murderous at the extreme. Look at poor Tiffany Jabber, dead through the head in her bed beside Jed. Tragic. And just because Molly thought he was cute enough to be her stud, no one else as suitable.

She puts down the comb, picks up the mascara stick and starts messing with that, more successfully, she feels. Maybe she can be a cosmetologist when she grows up. But, no, destiny calls. “I’ll (apply mascara) *start* my own publishing company true (apply). But *only* (apply) after I turn down all the other publishers who flock around me, begging me to print through them. I’ll be a success, Sally. A star. Bigger than anything you’ve seen before. Bigger than, well (apply) *Rowling*!”

Absurd, Sally thinks, but nods her head. Shelley’s falling further into her web, making grandiose plans she absolutely can’t fulfill. Trouble is… well, we’ll save some of the success and/or failure story for later.

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I use to not be that way, she pondered, thinking back back back to innocence and childhood. Running a garden cafe while her Mom was busy making deliveries. Goofing off in back while customers waited for more service which usually never came. Served them their food and/or drinks, she thinks. Done with them — my time now. She had big plans and needed to dream about them a lot. She intended to own… a castle.

—–

“Lordy, child. What you thinking about *now*?” her mother complained, seeing that glazed look in her eyes again while she herself has to do all the work. “These cookies won’t baked themselves. Set aside those dreams and help me roll the dough.”

“I was thinking about… Bliss.”

“Child, you’re too young to be thinking… oh.” Gertrude realized she was talking about the cat and not religious or any other type, God forbid, of ecstasy. “Yes,” she says while continuing to sprinkle sugar on the first dozen, almost ready for the oven. “Well, Bliss is in a better place now, child. The Lord will take care of her.” Pause to set down the sugar. “The Lord will take care of all of us when our time has come.” She thought of more reprimands but decided now was not the time. The child was obviously still grieving a bit. Things like, “It was *just* an animal,” wouldn’t suffice here. Or that, “Sorry for your loss, move on,” joke she heard on one of her favorite British TV shows the other day. No — consoling will have to be the trick. And she *is* tired of doing all the work. She decides to combine the two needed outcomes. “Tell you what, when I start feeling down, little girl, I always find that working takes my mind off my troubles.”

“Oh, Mom. You’re just trying to get me to make those cookies.”

“True,” she admits, “that’s an added benefit. But the taking your worries off part is true as well. So what do you say? I’ll put this batch in the oven and I’ll help you.”

(to be continued)

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dancing

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dominance; knowing one’s place

This will be our spot Edward. Always sun in the middle of the day despite the highways overhead, and you can make it so any time of course. Waves crashing directly behind. I can lock Arthur away in the cage of my mind here. We play games but still we are together. Agreed?” Pause. The waves rose again.

“I said: agreed?!”

“O-*kay*, just don’t punch me again, jeez.”

“Good. Now let’s go down the beach and talk to some surfers.”

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He was wore out from surfing so he decided to re-energize a bit. Banana should do it. “Just one?” asked Gloria to the request, now working at Hana Lei. “All I need,” he replied in his nasal, boy-ish voice. With his small frame he could make it go far. No need to over-weigh himself. “Help yourself, then,” she said, indicating the bowl full of fruit beside him. “Thanks.”

“Couldn’t help noticing your moves out there me laddie,” said the anthropomorphic turtle beside him, deciding between apples. Ah heck, he thinks, an orange will do, and orders one from Gloria. “No no no, changed my mind, ” he then said as Gloria indicated the bowl again. “I’ll have what he’s having.” “Same place,” she said, hand still extended toward the bowl. “I… don’t want to run you out of them. No, I’ll take an orange.” She turned with this, tired of dealing with him. It was like this every day for the experienced surfer. So good on the waves, so bad on the food. Maybe his ability to choose well runs out when he sits back down here, she rationalized at one point. Thus the reason for the bowl in the first place, actually. He helps himself.

After the selection (orange, no banana, no *apple*; but which one?), he returns his attention to the boy and the spotted talent. “Lessons?” he queries between bites… of something. I believe I detect crunching so probably one of those apples.

“You mean, have I *taken* lessons? In surfing?”

“Yeah. You have talent. If it’s natural then more power to you.” Say my name, he thought. Just say my name.

“Nah, no lessons.” Another noiseless bite from the lad. “I think lessons would just… *ruin* it for me.”

“The talent,” the turtle replied.

“Yeah.” More peeling and another bite. “I learned that quite a ways back. Wrote a treatise and my, um, mentor marked it all up with red. Top to bottom, mind you. Then she changed hair color from red to blue and it all went away, all the corrections. ‘Perfect already,’ she said, scooting the suddenly unmarked manuscript back to me from across the table. So I’m a natural at things — that’s what she said.” Special, he added to himself. Special special.

“Newton’s the name,” the turtle-man said, and extended his apple-less hand to the kid, who shook it. “Newton Jasper, like the liquor. Except backwards.”

“Jasper… Newton?”

Bingo, he thought, and changed directions, facing out to the sea again. His true home — this was just a stop between dives. “Some call me Jack,” he said. “Friends call me Jack. Tell you what, you call me Jack from now on. Eh?”

“Jack,” the yellow *rapscallion* amended, also turning. He’d been here before. And, there, he was starting to glow again. Just looking at them continue to roll in.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” the turtle said, noticing too.

“Sure am!” And they were both at it again, remainder of the fruits tossed aside during the running from land to water.

“Cowabunga!” the turtle shouted as he jumped on his board.”

“Hey, don’t eat my shorts!” the likewise surfing boy responded to this. And so it continues…

(to be continued)

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wrong righted?

They were deep in the portal and Edward was her chosen beau, if by default. No more Arthur, but for a good reason. Shelley packs her ring away and decides to dance again, but Eddie went too far per usual and it got him into trouble. Between crests of a wave, this can happen.

But the dancing then continues. Endlessly, thanks to this place.

“Cowabunga!” I suppose.

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HEAD

She was back at the very beginning, brushing her teeth in the middle of Hooktip, staring into umbrella eyes, all knowing even at that early stage. She had all the books in the world in ’em. Now to test it out on the rest of the world… starting with Edward here. Edward Daigle. But that was different — not Dimmy (Tommy), the actual person she started dating at that time. A choice was made on the ottoman below. She could ask him to stand up and move, or keep him there. On that spot. 135/135/135. Highest on *The* Diagonal, and she didn’t believe there was another one of those except as echo. And she should know, being ruler of it all.

“Mind if I brush?” she said just before. But not hair. That was different too.

In slow motion she prepared to spit.

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Not yet (*sip*).

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“April May June passed so fast April Mae Flowers. Now it’s July…”

“And we’re resurrected, yes,” replied Herbert Glenn Gold’s wife of 47 (?) years. “Waiting for action. ‘Annnnnd…'” she attempts to joke like a director. “Remember what happened last time.”

“Um hmm,” Herbert murmured while nodding, wondering where his pudding is. How could he eat his pudding without his meat, though? Strange thought.

“So much promise over on the Jeogeot continent. So much disappointment. House *deleted* after, what was it, 1 month?”

“At that,” Herbert Gold replied, even a bit more disappointed than April Mae over the affair. Speaking of which; he should bring this up now, before we get too far into the story. “I saw Merry Hill Gouldbusk the other day. Supermarket,” he continued. “She had 2 apples and one banana and then excused herself to the cashier and got one orange and slotted it between the 2 foods before the whole thing was rung up, all the items in that order. She was trying to tell me something. She didn’t seem to recognize me, though. I was shocked.”

“Gold face still in place?” April Mae only asked with a little venom. She was use to such sidetracking. After 48 (48!) years you learn to put up with a lot. And fantasizing about a woman half your age is not at the top of the shit list, not any more.

“Yes. Red hair still too.” Herbert stopped here, thinking back, which April Mae spotted. Still worth a hundred dollars? she wanted to ask but held her tongue. Long time ago now. They had bigger worries now, like how to cope with growing old. They had to stick together on this one. She’d seen Mr. Platinum, she’d seen the future. They could not turn back the clock.

“When did you get so tall, dear?” she diverted. She looked right. “And where is our favorite painting on the wall, the Blue Panther? The one we stole from… oh, I can’t recall, hmph, I can’t recall them all.”

Herbert slouched down and then answered the second. “I believe the farmer boy is bringing it over later.”

“What farmer boy?”

Herbert reconsidered. “No, I think it was repossessed. By the Blue Panther and his, erm, agent. Back at the end of novel 36. They came huffing and puffing up the hill to the house. Hill House we wanted to name it. But not after Merry.”

“Of course not,” April Mae waved the idea off. She tried to remember the repossession.

—–

Later in his study he remembered it was a gardener and not a farmer that his wife had had an affair with.

Later on the john, April Mae remembered that the art was destroyed instead of repossessed.

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Shelley finally got the rescue rope off the tree branch and moved closer to the edge of the thing. She was suddenly in a position of power and was taking advantage of it. “I *should* let you drown in there.”

“Me?” she struggled. “Why??”

“Because you were obviously meant to replace me. Now I’m expendable.”

“You tricked me!” The pepper on her shirt was gone. Next up the shirt itself, then the identical doodle-bug haired head blub blub blub. They were on a walk after playing basketball a while, Jennifer winning in a close match. Shelley spotted the sign which was closer to her, but didn’t mention it to Jennifer, her double, her doppelganger. Slippery on the far edge, thus: this. “Help!” she started. “Hellllp!”

—–

“And pull your shirt up over your shoulder like I do,” Shelley continued with the conditions after the mouth had submerged. “Just NOd if you understand.” This was the final one, the choice of destiny. The tank must be under the shirt, she decided quite a while back, actually. Viewing the exposed thing cost her a point or two in the basketball game, a seemingly small but important difference. The most obvious and distracting in the moment anyway.

Jennifer’s half submerged head managed a NOd. The rope came — just in time.

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