Category Archives: Novels

00340303

The next day Newt goes out to the Rolls Royce Dawn roadster to retrieve the “Monolith”, painting or photograph — we don’t know until he opens the trunk. But then (*gasp*), he finds it empty, no art within. He tries to calm down. Maybe it was in the trunk of the other car, the 1947 Black Bean Rod 9 that Eyela just purchased before their long vacation, had to have to give them something to be cheerful about upon their return, she said. Maybe something was wrong with the lock on this trunk — shouldn’t be, since it’s such an expensive car and manufactured so carefully, at least according to reputation — and Benny put the art in the other trunk for safekeeping. So he tries that one as well (*double gasp*). It was there… but in a different form. And broken in pieces. He takes the pieces out of the trunk, carefully, er, pieces them together in the garage — making sure to shut the doors beforehand. This was Benny’s lone day off, but Benny sometimes shows up to work anyway to put in some extra time — off the clock of course. He’s just that dedicated. Good ol’ Benny, Newt thinks amidst the chaos. But *this*. He stands back, taking in the thing that he’s created. It could tumble at any moment. But this is what he saw.

I believe it is the same as the monolith in the Big Woods Zapppa woke up to yesterday. The woods that are right over there, just beyond the brick wall surrounding the manor, protecting it. The stuff of dreams.

It’s time to find out what this is all about, really.

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experience

“Why do you keep your bathing suit on (in the tub)? You understand we’re married — no need to be formal.” But Wheeler, I mean, Eyela knew it was necessary. Eyela Gold, her newest incarnation. She also understood she had to ditch the purple hair in order for it to work long-term. Newt would lose interest if not. He preferred the new now: Newt likes new.

“It was a successful party, dearest,” she decided to say, dodging a bullet. “Trouble is (she suds her suddenly aching head while also rubbing/massaging it) — I… don’t remember much about it strangely enough. Like it was all, I don’t know, a *dream*.” She produces something from her hair; instantly knows it is the key. She hides this fact from Newt. She quietly places the golden object on the floor behind the tub, waiting to be picked up later when Newt had gone to bed or else to his study, if he can find it. 319, Eyela Gold reads on the thing. She must cover this fact up.

(to be continued)

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00340301

An urban legend claims that the monolith used in 2001: A Space Odyssey can be seen in some scenes of Zappa’s film 200 Motels (The Film). While a monolith can indeed be seen [most prominently at the beginning of the song “Penis Dimension”], it’s actually not the same one used in Kubrick’s film, as Kubrick had most of his models destroyed after 2001 was finished. On the same token Zappa didn’t film in the same studio Kubrick filmed 2001 in either. [1]

But it was the same, at least in spirit. And Zappa must have noted the 200-2001 similarity for the films. Subtraction of the 1 must have been satisfying for him, like he emasculated The Beatles with “We’re Only in It for the Money”. The monolith, the slab, is a penis with dimensions of 1:4:9. Perfection. It can all be telescoped back to 1 (and then gotten rid of).

—–

Zappp had long thought he’d always keep the extra p in his name after adding it in school. “Play Ruben and the Jets,” the children chided in the playground, lovers of doo-wop at an early age. “Sing Yellow Snow,” most of the same requested in jr. high after progressive rock became all the rage. You want extra p, he thought vindictively when all this went down, I’ll give you an extra p. At 9 o’clock on Wednesday’s Thursday’s Friday, October 5-7, 1973 he announced his name change. Zappp. 3 p’s in a row, not 2. *Now* try to make Zappp A. into Zappa, ya’ll.

But what he found in that grave when he dug up old man Franklin had him doing a rethink. It was a dream, yes. No one in their right mind would try to raise that dick from the dead. Sorcerer, everyone has heard. Wizard say some. Zappp knows it is the latter. Because he’s been contacting him via wegee board for years. Robert Franklin; Roberts and Franklin. Wonder what happened to Roberts, because they were quite the team, measuring their careers against each other, like, well, like the type of people they were. Probably doing the same kind of stuff in the afterlife. Again he should know. Old Man Franklin gives him an update from The Beyond at least every other week. Or the WIZARD does — Zappp is not quite convinced the 2 are one and the same, a logical reduction, despite mounting evidence over time. They sleep in the same metaphorical bed is all he concedes.

And then *this* when he wakes up. What is someone trying to tell him? He feels like the disposing of the newly placed Monolith over there — just digging it up (as well) perhaps — is the same as getting rid of the extra p in his name. Strong conviction on this.

He and Ben could do it together; he’s plenty strong but he’d need help from the stronger animal. But Ben had run away, totally frightened of the thing standing so shiny and alien in the far corner of the yard, and with that weird humm emitting from it, like some kind of dynamo — Dinah… Moe, hmm. Zappp couldn’t blame him. He’d like to run away in the woods too. Big Woods. Big Run. Anything besides facing another decision tree. While he’s at it, he may just dig up that tree as well.

(to be continued)

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Filed under **VIRTUAL SL, 0034, 0301, Big Woods, Jeogeot

Zappp Adams

“GRROWLLL!”

“What the?! — oh, hi Ben. You scared me you joker. I thought Eloise over there had come back to life!”

“GRROWLLL!”

“Yeah, I know. You’re probably starving. Been gone for 2 days. Where’ve you been… Ben, he he?”

“GRROWLL?”

“Well come on in and tell me all about it, then. We’ll eat breakfast and share stories. Because *I’ve* got something to tell *you* too, something you won’t believe.”

—–

“I don’t blame you, Ben. I don’t want to get too close to it either.”

“GRRRRROWWWWL!”

“I know. I’m scared too.”

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00340216

Benny meets something huge and inexplicable in the heart of the woods and instinctively turns into a flower to camouflage himself, just like he transformed from hamster to rat (or large mouse) before over at Newt and Eyela’s manor. Ends up that the monster before him is also named Ben, and also a shapeshifter ta boot. He’d just changed from a grizzly bear into a samsquanch to make himself bigger for an encounter with a detected rodent, spotted in his peripheral vision, he thought. They were scared of each other is what I’m saying, which caused the transformation in both, offensive versus defensive. Do they afterwards become friends? Not immediately: Ben doesn’t see Benny since the flower disguise is effective. He thinks the rodent has scuttled back into the forest, if he didn’t imagine the whole thing. And he can’t change back into a bear for 48 hours because of the involved energy drain. Same for Benny actually — he has to remain a flower for the same amount of time. It’s just the way things work for these kind of kindred shapeshifters, so different in size now but so similar in other ways. Yes, I think they have to become friends. Sugar’s shack will attract the 2 at the same time eventually and they’ll sit down and have a talk and find out how much they have in common, including — yikes! — both having secret *monoliths*. “How’d *that* happen?” they might simultaneously ask each other in this created scenario, probably so full of sugar by then that they don’t know what they’re saying or revealing. We’ll see how it plays out.


It worked! The thing is moving away.

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00340215

‘There (!). At the corner of the cemetery. Just like you predicted.”

“Just like I *directed*,” corrected Baker Blinker. Back in the saddle as I said, mysterious incapacitating illness over. Zapppa it was, but with an extra p. We’ve seen him before.

He turns. They’ve seen him and that’s all he wanted. Now to find that grave which told him everything, how it begins, how it ends, all the stuff in the middle.

There were quite a few to examine…

… not even counting the 3 tombs marked Henderson, Williams, Bennett. Those don’t sound right to him, though.

But *this* could be it.

He starts digging.

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Filed under **VIRTUAL SL, 0034, 0215, Big Woods, Jeogeot

Tesnus

The Wither Tree comes for all, even clockwork people like Billy, a native Iowan and thus a long way from home indeed. A rocketship brought him to the Jeogeot continent. *Not* a well pump, as some of those fantasical forest people claim. That’s just the sugar talking, as they like to say.

Safe over here directly west off Mainland, though. “I think I’ll stay,” he says into the Korean Channel reverse sunset, Ichelus at the point here, but Zebrasil and the continent’s infocenter just behind. This is where he landed; this is his original, virtual home. Before vacationing Sugar gathered up his little, cute robot body and took him to the woods, made him a kind of pet. Fate, she deemed it. “The red and the green!” she exclaimed to thong-less (daring!) companion Donald at the time while looking down at the two-toned inner tube (“TIT”, *giggle*), also a type of pet for her. Trouble is, he’s so sleepy there all the time. Dreams the horrible, scary dreams even in daylight. *Especially* daylight (thanks again, Mistress!).

Then: the Waterfall of 10000 Lions (good one, Mistress!) comes to Big Woods, washing away the gloom, at least enough to allow the mechanical boy to return and not be riddled with cryptic, undecipherable nightmares and, especially, daymares. Maybe.

07:15: Sugar and Donald, humming a happy tune, rustle up some more of those breakfast special blueberry choco chip pancakes for arriving guests. 4 waiting. Maybe up to 8 later. Breakfast at 8.

She tests one, makes a sour face. “Donald, more sweetener on the next batch please.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t make me GRROWL at you,” she joked.

“I won’t,” he said, pulling up his baggy pants. She’d stretched them almost to the verge of unwearability. And perhaps that was the point (*titter*).

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Filed under **VIRTUAL SL, 0034, 0214, Big Woods, Jeogeot

Newt

He thought she was going to wear her new hair, but purple’s cool, purple’s cool. He wasn’t going to bring the subject up. She had her reasons. Instead he decides to talk about the girls.

“Venus is working hard on her novella.” He could hear her typing all the way over here.

“Novel,” corrected Eyela in a sweet but stern voice. “And Mistress is helping with it too.”

“Sure, sure.” He looks over at the townhouse on the northern edge of the property, (the girls’) home away from home. “I’d like to read it.”

“Well they don’t want you to.”

“*You* can.”

“*I’m* different.” That seemed to be a dead end subject too. Maybe switch back to the hair. He pointed.

“I thought –”

“Don’t start with the hair,” she requested, knowing what he was doing. “I — didn’t like the way it, ahem, set my eyes.”

He didn’t ask for explanation of this cryptic reply. Was there another subject he could broach while they sat in their hot tub, waiting for the guests to arrive? Tonight was the big night! He decided to talk about that.

“Tonight’s the big–”

“Don’t,” she cut him off. “Just don’t.”

—–

He was reminded when he walked back into the house after their long vacation that they had too many servants, perhaps way too many. But, to their credit, they were all still hard at work, manning their various posts. Gregg the Greeter in the foyer, now waiting for the first guests to arrive.

Sam the Scrubber up on the second level, still trying to get the last of those blood stains out of the wooden floor. Almost got it.

David the Duster as well. If only those damn dogs all about the house would stop shedding, he constantly thinks.

And Cookie the Cook, waiting for the tea to boil. Guests start showing up in about 30 minutes. Tea had to be hot but not too hot. Water might have to be reboiled but he’s ready if so. Bags just in that cabinet over there. He measures the steps to reach it. 7 he’s counting. And 5 bags for each pot. And 8 guests due to arrive. Two pots, then. Better put on a second kettle.

And, closest to them presently, Willie the, um, Watcher. Waiting for his wife to get out of the tub so he can slip a robe on her. He probably needs to go first. But that was also her special request, the last one hired. Don’t think he can then be the first to go. Can he?

(to be continued)

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at least a large mouse

They pulled into the manor about 07:15, fresh from a trip to the west coast and toting some stolen art in the trunk, not surprisingly. But never mind that now. Benny the valet hamster rushed over and took the wheel after they got out and walked toward the gate. He asked for a job with such but this wasn’t what he expected. He’s grown into the work, though: up to about a foot and a half now, abnormally long for his species. After some on and off moments at first, he can now manage the brake and clutch together and Mr. and Mrs. Gold could switch from an automatic to a straight drive, which they prefer especially for longer trips. Like this one. They’ve been gone almost 2 weeks. *Plus* Benny helps them pawn off the stolen goods they collect here and there on their journeys across the continent to well placed black market dealers. He seemed so grateful for the position they assumed he’d never turn into a rat. A hamster he be and a hamster he is. The little stretching exercises on the rack they had handy in the basement commenced early on. Benny would not be denied.

Until today. They shouldn’t have turned their back on him so soon after a lengthy vacation. Because, as you can plainly see here as he drives the Rolls Royce Dawn convertible not to the garage, but to a pawn shop accessible from an alley downtown, Benny had been compromised.

“Monolith”, Adams or otherwise, would never make it to that perfect spot above the dining room table between the mounted bear and deer. He’d found the price that turned his head.

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Filed under **VIRTUAL SL, 0034, 0212, Big Woods, Jeogeot

manor

“My turn next on the typewriter. I have ideas too.”

“Of course (type type type pause type type pause type type type type bell sound/carriage return).”

“I’ll just keep filing my nails till you’re finished (type type type).” Mistress was patient. But she also didn’t have all night. Or did she?

“Did (type type type) you realize that Mistress is very close to Mattress?”

“I sat on it all night,” Mistress returned matter of factly. “Waiting on Bluebird, the sad sad girl.” One hand done. Perfection. “Very close indeed I was at the time,” she said while admiring her work.

“No no (type type). I mean the word.” Venus didn’t realize Mistress was trying to tell a joke. Maybe she should have thought of a better one. “Switch out the a with the i, switch the s with a t: the same, then.”

“Oh. Suppose (type type type). Is that what you’re writing? I’ve focused so much on my nails now that I can’t see that far. Tell me what the newest is for Bluebird, for Sugar Town, for the rest of the Big Woods.”

“New name, yes. Big Woods (bell sound/carriage return).” Venus lifts her hands from the keys, leans back.

“Funny how it’s not really that big,” interjects Mistress. “But it seems *huge* on the ground.”

“Labyrinthine,” reinforces Venus. “Just like, erm…”

“Baker?”

“Wheeler I think.”

Pause. “Are we saying who we are now?” asks Mistress, serious this time. Totally serial.

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