Tag Archives: Hoss^*%%

finishes 01

Story Room brought down the house last night at Rocky’s. Literally, because the MaGill home next door fell off the edge of town with the vibrations. Thump thump thump thump from 6 to 12. Everyone in Astarte loved it, though. Teebestia actually turned into a black woman for several minutes of “Fire Ants,” much to the surprise of accompanying Hoss. A minute after 12 he asked her out on a date. “Sure,” she said, doused in sweat and still wildly swaying to the music only in her head now. “Malone Central okay? They have a new Starbucks.” And so another couple was created in Olde Lapara Towne, adding to Nancy and Danny, Bettie and Buster, Tronesisia and Peter, Mary and Paul. Another happy ending. But what of Rocky? His piano eliminated from the stage due to lack of space, he sulked in the back. Even Terry had brought a date: Wanesa, the local butcher. He pondered his options while watching lead singer Improvio pretend-spitting into the crowd for the umpteenth time. Stay here in Olde Lapara Towne and go back to his crawlspace in the hotel, or head to Collagesity with Baker Bloch, Wheeler Wilson, and maybe a couple of others. Lamb had left the scene just before the concert began. Peter, Paul and Mary, each loaded down with as much weedy grass as their backpacks could hold, had used the sand dune/sand castle portal located directly beneath Rocky’s to transfer to Melancholy Island, with a change in disposition there surely to follow. They would never return to the town which had displaced pastoral folk music in their hearts with the sturm und drang of punk. Thanks to that cursed ring.

(to be continued)

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two and one

“You don’t mind if I take notes do you Wheeler?”

“Not if you don’t mind me watching tv while we talk.”

“Fair enough. Oh me, what iz that?”

“It’s comedy. Blowtorch to the head. Side splitting.”

“I guess so,” says a confused Hoss. “So we better start. Teebestia warned me I have to get above ground by sunset.”

“She’s smart. Have I met her?”

“I’m not sure. She sent me down to do the initial interview. She may enter later.”

“Cool. So what do you want to know about me pumpkin?”

Hoss blushed slightly. “First off, where are you from? Where are you born?”

“Farmington.”

Hoss gets chills. So that checks off, he thinks. “And your birth name is Wheeler Wilson, like it is now?” Others warned him that this may not be so.

“Nah,” Wheeler admitted. “I was born a man. Wilson Wheeler. I reversed the name when I reversed sexes. Or changed sexes, whatever. How’s that?”

Hoss scratches his head. He didn’t expect this! How to proceed: he decided to ask the most obvious question to get it out of the way. “Why… why did you do that, Wheeler?” Then he realized he probably went too far and backed off. “I mean, only if you want to tell…”

“I was in disguise. I was a woman all along. Except I didn’t realize it. Until I became one. 21.”

“21?”

“Years. 21 years. That’s when I became Wheeler Wilson and not Wilson Wheeler.”

Hoss was, fer sure, thinking that Wheeler was lying now. She knows about Henry Wilson!

“What’s your stance on civil rights, Wheeler Wilson?” He eyed her keenly.

She threw up her hands. “Civil rights for all. Man, woman, black, white, Muslim, Christian. Why wouldn’t I be for civil rights since I’ve been on both sides of the fence? Gimme a break. How can you be prejudice of someone you’ve been!”

“Have you been black as well?”

Without answering, Wheeler locks stares with Hoss.

For a moment he was somewhere else.

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colored

Usually puffing on one of his favorite cigars, Hoss liked walking the streets of town after dark when no one much was around. Killing two birds with one stone, as he called it: thinking and walking/exercise. Tonight he was dwelling on the confusion he and his boss Teebestia (playfully: “Hoss Boss”) had over the Malone book found in the law library. Teeb thought he was talking about Malone Central in the bowels of this city’s underground. But no, the book was about a Malone, New York, very much above ground like Olde Lapara Towne and indeed with a most famous resident called Wheeler. But certainly not the Wheeler Wilson temporarily holed up with Paul, Mary and the rest in Malone Central. No, this was William Almon Wheeler, the 19th Vice President of our US of A under Rutherford B. Hayes from 1877 to 1881. “Booger” Hayes. Although, curiously, upon further digging Hoss had uncovered that the vice president *previous* to Wheeler was called Wilson — Henry in that case. But his birth surname was Colbath; he had it legally changed upon turning 21. Curiouser and curiouser, as they say.

Then he spotted the red shoes in the tall yellow grass underneath the train ramp. Hoss catches his breath. Dare he take a look?

Thinking about racial profiling again, he decides to go back to Rocky’s market and phone up Teebestia. “Wait there and we’ll check it out together,” his boss advised. 15 minutes later she and Hoss find out who the victim was. The most famous clown Renaldo O’Donnell. Yellow like the grass around him and red like the blood oozing out of his several stab wounds.

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olde name

“Thank you again for coming in on your day off, Hoss, to help me.”

“Well,” he answers. “Sounds like the fate of the whole town depends on us finding some facts!”

“So right,” Teebestia replies. “According to this ‘Big Book of Moths and Butterflies’, the name Astarte comes from a particular moth, just like Lapara and almost all sims of the continent we’ve checked. Not a local demon. How ’bout you? Found anything?”

“Still looking through this old book on Malone, the one that told us its most famous resident was Wheeler.”

“Which is impossible. She just showed up there! Still, we should interview her.”

“Hold on, Teeb… here’s a section on Owls Head.” He turns the page, reads a bit further, then utters: “Oh me Godz.”

“What is it?”

Owls Head use to be called Ringville!

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