On Friday night, December 31st, Spongeberg Resident was standing before the townspeople of Collagesity, imploring them to give reasons for him to *not* destroy it and them with it. It was slightly in the future, but I saw it through the vortex that had been opened in the meantime.
“The tower of Shiny Hare is a reason for the town to keep existing,” he continued. “Baker Bloch’s Uncle Meatwad is a reason. The budding love of youngsters Cardboard Derek Jones and Lisa The Vegetarian Simpson is as good a reason as any. I’m all for true love. But in my heart of hearts, I still think the cons outweigh the pros. The town is too expensive to run. Even with the oh so handy prim to convex hull conversion to decrease land impact.”
“Who are you?” raised a voice in the back of the crowd. It was Furry Karl, who had arrived late for the meeting due to his longer walk from the Hole in the Wall bar.
“I am called Spongeberg Resident, and I am a destroyer by nature. There are hundreds upon hundreds of residents in this Second Life, but I am *The* Resident. Carrcassonnee is unique as well. I stand in for her at this meeting, as I explained earlier Fuzzy Jim (Spongeberg attaches a wrong name to Furry Karl here). She is meeting with forest representatives at Nautilus City, and I’ll go ahead and tell you that she’s making plans to move *some* of you — along with *some* of the town — back over there if I make the choice I think I’ll make. So it’s up to you, the citizens of Collagesity, to make a difference. Send me your essays (earlier, Spongeberg had asked each person at the meeting to send him at least a two page report on why Collagesity should be saved). Send in the reasons. I’ll debate. The chance of destruction is 70-30 right now. Carrcassonnee has allowed me to do what I wish here. She actually can’t keep me from my job even if she thought otherwise. Yet I am not a mean deity. I am a kind destroyer. I usually nibble around the edges — a church here, a gazebo there. But I feel in this case it is best for all of you to enter another life together. A life that doesn’t involve Second Life.”
“I haven’t seen the required film,” chipped in flatty Fox Mulder, who, as usual, was standing side by side with partner Dana Skully. “Can we still see it? That might make us, as a town, feel better about where we’re going, where it’s all heading.”
“You had your chance,” replied Spongeberg levelly. “Baker Bloch was at the beach all last week and you all just sat around doing nothing. You are so lazy. I’m asking you to work now for your town. Okay, okay, I’ll allow you to see the film if you wish. “Uncle Meatwad” is currently loaded up at the Collagesity Theatre but I’ll ask Baker Bloch to reload the Grand Theft Auto video from Tube World [sic].” He tapped his face, as if deciding on something. “You sicken me,” he then tacked on to end his speech. He stepped down from the podium on the second floor of the town diner and made his way through the grumbling crowd toward the teleporter. But when reaching it, he just disappeared in that cloud of black particles again.
I pulled back from the vortex. Carrcassonnee was by my side. “You have only 1 day to change things,” she said. “I have to leave for Nautilus City. Things are pretty much set in stone, but stone can be molded in time as well. A bit. It’s all pretty plastic given enough time. Which you have little of. Goodbye and good luck!”
Carrcassonnee teleported to Nautilus City, leaving me with Spider and Lisa. I knew Lisa wouldn’t be making that date in the diner tomorrow, since Carr. animates her. Poor Cardboard Derek Jones. He won’t understand any of this.