Category Archives: Rubi

Bitch

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“Oh, I got woes floaty man. Yes I do.”

“You gonna order anything today, Karl?” asks Rhoda impatiently, his little stick arms protruding from below his oval, blue-green body per usual. He is a true flattie or cutout in both Real Life and Second Life — rather unusual. “‘Cause I got a business to run,” he continues in his slightly nasal voice. “A new business. Old Kent is looking over us all the time from… heaven, yeah. You gotta order something. You can’t just freeload in here. Load’s not free.”

“Rhoda, I’ve already drunk three frigg’n beers and positioned them on the counter over there,” responds Karl in his typical gruff manner and nodding in the appropriate direction.

“N-no you didn’t. They were there.”

“No, I distinctly remember the golden goodness of 3 Krings beers sliding down my throat and into Tummyville. And I paid you.”

“Oh, okay,” Rhoda says matter of factly. Then: “That’ll be 3 dollars.”

“Nah, I ain’t doing that.” Karl waves him off, and then looks over at the picture on the wall to his right. “So what’s with you and that Old Kentucky or Old Kent or whatever — *shark* anyway? It’s like you’re his bitch or something.”

“He looks down on me and tells me things to do and to order,” came the reply. “Listen, there’s something I have to tell you Karl.” He leans in closer. “We’re[ all] dead.”

At this point Karl got the sudden urge to pull out a gun and point it directly at Rhoda’s head. Or his body which is the same as his head. He’s psychically tapping into the violence that regularly occurred at Rhoda’s former bar. It wouldn’t be the last time.

“I don’t understand. I don’t get that,” he said instead.

“Aren’t you going to point that gun at me?” Rhoda was truly perplexed.

“How did you know I wanted to point a gun at you? Is this some kind of strange time loop?”

Karl blinked, and then Rhoda was laying dead on the counter, riddled in gunshot wounds.

“Holy shit what just happened!?”

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But he’s okay.

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Ch-ch-ch

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“Karl? Are you in there?”

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Unch

There are many magical things about the Rubi Woods I’ve yet to write about in this blog, most of which were left out of Furry Karl’s gothic slanted, best selling book (“Blood Curdling Tells of the Forest”). Some of the more interesting ones pivot around the existence of a deciduous tree of different species than all others in the forest, never seen during daylight hours but which can be found on at least certain nights firmly rooted in the ground at coordinates 168, 168. It is known in these legends by a number of names, mostly commonly “The Unchoppable” or “Unchoppable”. Other appellations include “The Missing Piece”, “The 200th”, “The Walking Tree”, or simply “The Forest Tree” or “The Tree”. Variations of the tale have it hovering at the triple coordinate 168, 168, 168 during the day (in visible or invisible guise), and then descending to the ground directly below after sunset, often staying at that particular spot until sunrise the next day but also able to move about the forest at will if needed.

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The Unchoppable at 168, 168, 168 (dramatization).

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The Unchoppable on the forest floor directly below just before sunrise.

In truth, Unch, as the special tree prefers to be called, has been monitoring the progress of Collagesity from its 168, 168, 168 vantage point since the beginning. Seeing many different kinds of avatars now milling about the place, she decided it was time to reveal herself.

Just after midnight on February 4th, 2016, Unch walks out of the forest and down Cannon Street, heading toward the town deity’s gazebo for introductions.

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As Carrcassonnee was sound asleep, Unch had to rustle its leaves quite a number of times to rouse her.

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“Oh. Hello!”

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Rhoda

Baker Bloch hung a picture in The Hole in the Wall in anticipation of the new bartender, only to find out later on he got the wrong Rhoda.

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Here’s the actual Rhoda in question, pictured here on the first day at work. Old Kentucky Shark became his first customer, and promptly issued a stern warning to the new guy. Territories needed to be established right off; sharp boundaries drawn.

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And the remembrance that this had all happened before.

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Hired?

(joined in progress)

“Thank you for attending the impromptu meeting. As you can see, Karl, Baker Bloch is back. He’s applied for the custodial position at Karoz’s new school. Isn’t that exciting for him?”

Karl (eyeing Baker Bloch):

I suppose. No offense, Baker Bloch, but I’m more worried right now about my three-dimensional situation. And my new needs, Ancient in origin. Pole dancers… prostitutes… the like. I thought I was done with all that crud.

Carr.:

So did we, Karl. Yet Homer Simpson and Dr. Blood are both gone from the city. My city. My huge heart is heavy — heavier — because I not only lost a father but a friend. And on the other side, I not only lost a friend but a personal physician who knew my peculiar ins and outs. Both will be hard to replace. But a new stranger is on the horizon, about to turn the angle down Cannon Street. Can you guess?

Karl:

Pipi Longstockings?

Carr.:

Not too far off, Karl. But at the same time: very far off.

Baker Bloch (to Karl):

Is it uncomfortable in there for Baker Blinker? I’ve been experimenting with my own shape recently. I find it — unsettling.

Carr. (to Baker):

Karl does not understand what you mean by that.

BB:

I mean… never mind.

Carr.:

Baker Blinker was unable to attend the meeting today.

BB:

Jeez, wonder why? (Karl stares at him)

Carr.:

I will catch her up later when we meet with Karoz on board. Should be interesting.

BB:

So what happened [with the vortex in the Town Hall]?

Carr.:

Homer went back to his two-dimensional cartoon family, as he desired. Dr. Blood, in his ultra-generous nature, sacrificed himself to make sure this came about. But now we have Karl instead as a 3d character, and having basal needs again due to it. He does *not* want to return to his quote unquote cartoon family, his own breed of Ancients and now ours as well. He wishes to remain here. And this was a way to do it. Unfortunately he’ll have to quit the bar since he can’t fit behind the counter now. Another flattie will have to be hired to slot in there. Not Baker Bloch obviously. Any suggestions? I can’t let go of Lisa Simpson, even if she is a shadow of what I formerly was. Cardboard Derek Jones is a possibility.

Karl:

No, I can’t go back, and that’s a shame. To the bar, I mean. No, I don’t want to return to those weirdo Aqua Teen action figures, or whatever they are. I was the only human or humanoid among them, you remember.

Carr.:

I do. But, also, you have strong elements of Rhoda the bartender from “12 Oz Mouse”, which I’m more familiar with. Hmmm, I suppose we could just manifest Rhoda as a flattie.

Karl:

There. That’s solved. Now what do *I* do?

Carr:

There’s an opening for the custodial position at Karoz’s new school. You could live in the back room, Baker Bloch’s old room back in Noru, actually. You could fill in his shoes… oh.

Baker Bloch:

Yeah, “oh”. Which one of us gets the job?

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And what’s with Karl’s queer mask?

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Suck

While Karl watched helpless, another one of those vortex thingies quickly formed in the center of the Town Diner and took Dr. Blood in, along with his strangely attached pole.

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Homer Simpson appeared at the door just in time to witness the last foot disappear.

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“Stand back, fat boy,” warned Karl across the whirlpool, “you may be next!”

“Who are *you* calling fat!” cried back Homer. But then he too got sucked in, quick as a wink.

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“Hmm,” said Carl, standing in the vortex’s diminishing center now. “I wonder why it’s not affecting me?”

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Then it was gone as Carrcassonnee came squeezing through the door. “I was afraid that was going to happen,” she lamented. “My two friends!”

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Karl stood in front of her. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

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Karl

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“So, um, what brings you to the Town Diner Dr. Blood?”

“I’m waiting for Homer Simpson and Carrcassonnee so that we can go on another camping trip into the woods, Karl. We had so much fun the last time. You should join us.”

“Hey, I ain’t going anywhere near the middle of those woods still.” Karl looked down at his suddenly rounded and less furry hands again. “Hey, Dr. Blood,” he began again. “You like that book you’re reading?”

“Oh it’s just something I’m browsing through while I’m waiting. I don’t really understand it.”

“Dufus, that’s the one with *you* in it. I was sitting over there earlier reading it. Checked it out of the library to make sure it was the correct edition.”

Dr. Blood takes a closer look at the tome; turns it around to read the cover he’s neglected to do before. “Blood Curdling Tales of The Forest,” he says aloud. “Oh, I didn’t realize… but what’s this about a Peter SoSo?”

“Never mind that now, speaking of unobservant. Do you notice anything different about *me*?”

Dr. Blood peered over at Karl sitting at the table alone. “You look sad. Your heart is low.”

“Always talking about *feelings*, oooh,” came the response. “Just *look* at me for Pete’s sake.”

Dr. Blood examines Karl from top to bottom as far as he can see and makes a determination. “You may look… a little bit less hairy.” He didn’t add that Karl also looked like he’s put on some weight.

“Bingo! I’ve lost my frigg’n beautiful fur, Dr. Blood. And I’m, on top of that, hello, *three-dimensional*. I woke up like this this morning. I tried to ignore it while setting up the bar, but I kept knocking into things. Thought the hair might rez in and everything would be okay. But it’s midday now, and The Hole in the Wall is due to open in 5 minutes. I think I’ll just have to close for the day. I’m sick. I’ve rung up my flattie cousin Crash — you know, Down-on-the-Coast Crash — to see if it’s ever happened to him. But look at me!”

Inside his compassion Dr. Blood had additional insights. “I sense in my special way that you have done something that has come around the bend to surprise you from behind. I see — a secret portal, a secret window to the soul.”

This makes Karl think back to a particular event from yesterday involving not a spiritual window but a very physical one. Then Dr. Blood inexplicably starts doing something on the striped pole in front of him that brought back a lot more memories, Ancient in origin.

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Eyes

“Someone is at the Fal Mouth Moon gallery. I heard the vortex teleport all the way up here.” They were sitting in Karoz’s apartment above the Bodega market, staring out at the green terrain.

“Yes, I hear it too once in a while,” responds Karoz. “Listen… I’m sorry about the suggestion. We are just starting out. We’ll make adjustments and move forward.”

“There will be some changes,” Baker Blinker says defiantly, thinking Karoz is talking a bit like an academic administrator again. “Baker Bloch has handed me the keys to his house. I would feel guilty if we didn’t have the same user. But you are somehow different in that respect. How?”

“I was born considerably after the original group you guys were in. I am from a specific place to start off with: Chilbo.”

“But you *aren’t* from Chilbo. Or Chilbol either.”

“No,” admits Karoz. “But I am from Norum and that’s nearby.”

“It’s time to tell me — us — the truth. Peter SoSo showed up in Collagesity to play in the celebration party after the Intense Shower. That’s what it’s starting to be called.”

“Yeah, I know.” He thought back to the embarrassing 7th Spire incident with the shower, obviously enough.

“But when you went up [to Peter SoSo] and said hi and started talking about the past, he didn’t seem to recognize you. Or was he being extremely cold to you for some reason? I can’t figure it out.”

Karoz doesn’t immediately answer, but instead stares out the window, looking toward the neighboring Sikkima sim. He points in its direction.

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“Do you know Collagesity use to exist in that large sinkhole over there, Baker? Well, it was technically New Pietmond but same idea. It’s the only one on the oldest continents that we know of. Odd, huh? They say the Sylver Forest extended to at least its edge.”

Baker Blinker was again tired of beating about the bushes. “What don’t you like about my eyes?”

—–

Afterwards Baker Blinker goes to see Carrcassonnee.

Baker Blinker (after putting on the glasses):

So what do you think? Do they help?

Carr.:

Very nice. Poets say the eyes are the windows to the soul Karoz wishes to stare into. Love is difficult. In the end, I decided to eat my last partner, Perch. Tasted like chicken. No, more like beef stroganoff. That’s [a] better [line].

Baker Blinker:

I am very happy, mind you.

Carr.

Of course. Talk to me some about Bogota, before he left. What happened between you two? That’s something I don’t know and I know a lot. Remember this is girl to girl talk and won’t leave my gazebo. Do you mind?

BB:

No, that’s fine. We went to… first base. Okay, we were heading toward second. Maybe we got 2/3rds the way there, maybe 3/4ths. Maybe. But I stopped it. Out at second; end of story (Baker Blinker makes a baseball out sign with her hand). Then he was gone. He invited me to travel the stars with him. Out there. Reinforced my confidence. But then with Karoz I hit a…

Carr. (eye raised to the door):

Homer! You snuck up on me and that’s another surprise. Come on in my boy.

Homer (speaking to each):

Hello Carrcassonee, hello Lisas, hello lady.

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Carr.:

Homer, do you know Baker Blinker, the other white Baker, tee hee?

Homer:

Didn’t I see you walking around the woods the other day — looking for a towel?

Carr.

Ahem, Homer, that was *me*.

Homer:

No, I’m pretty sure it was this lady here. At first I thought it was Marge. They look kind of similar in the shade.

—-

It took several hours for Baker Blinker to get over *that* conversation. “Comparing me to a *bulgy eyed* cartoon woman with 4 foot hair!” she kept thinking again and again while thrusting back and forth in her new rocking chair.

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Forward

Baker Bloch has deeded over the Gloomy Gus house to Baker Blinker. All his items within have been deleted. Last object he returned, just to clean under the chairs and sofas as it were, was Karoz’s “Birth of Venus”. How appropriate. Oh, and there was one other magenta sphere he had to return to Karoz a little later on. No one else should have the key.

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Baker Bloch, at his core, has always been a wanderer, an explorer of terrain: mountains, islands, forests. He has become displaced because Second Life doesn’t offer much opportunity in this area. Mainland has becomes essentially “Maistland” (mainland + wasteland). But wastelands also have their advantages, and that’s how we move forward. I, though Baker Bloch, Baker Blinker, Hucka Doobie, Karoz Blogger and the rest, have decided to stick with Second Life up to the bitter end, whenever that occurs. And Collagesity is, I’m pretty sure, a permanent installation until then, my mainland oasis along with the attached woods.

What’s next for my virtual burg? Well, Karoz is setting up his apartment above the Bodega market as a low key command center for the revitalization of a town college or “center of learning”, like he had formerly in Collagesity, Noru-style (Sam Parr State College). Inspired, his mind burns diamond bright. He knows now that he can enter Collage World like Baker Bloch — learned it in Noru as well, where he, for example, recruited members of the experimental rock band Story Room from UK’s Stonethwaite village to teach music and art at his school for its lone, academic semester.

Through these trans-Second Life explorations via “portals” — collages, essentially — Karoz, Baker Bloch and perhaps other Second Life born characters can extend Collagesity into other realms and make it more attached to reality. That is the hope. Collagesity is a larger collage in itself, and one that now has a central heating system keeping it alive and safe. No more invasions from coldly intense, Ancient aliens. That’s all behind us. Now we still have e.t’s and old ones and other types of Lemony World entities in Collagesity, but they’re relatively harmless dudes and dudettes like Carrcassonnee, Furry Karl, Homer Simpson and Dr. Blood/Tinman, easy to love and with formerly harsh or jagged angles smoothed.

*We* survived the storm (“Intense Shower” as it will become known according to Hucka D.) and emerge fresh and revitalized.

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Rest in Peace David Bowie.

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Shower

Baker Bloch realizes he’s probably lost his home next to the forest. But it’s not a sad moment for him.

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Karoz still lives in his apartment above the market — not an option. There’s the old Norum Gallery, Baker remembers. He use to have a room on the bottom floor when it existed in Collagesity, Noru. But also he could just stay in Collage World for a little longer: keep talking to Past Father (aka Past Space Ghost), enjoy the beautiful scenery of the Lake District or Wiltshire County in England, hop over to Tungaske, Canada on a lark, or even visit Blue Mountain’s Whitehead Crossing pictured at the end of the Falmouth series. Spongeberg, for now, has decided to stay in The Crossing at his teepee. Baker has also spoken to him several times since being sucked up into the Red Umbrella vortex. He’ll certainly have some interesting stories to tell us all soon.

In other news, Carrcassonnee actually *did* walk out into the woods from the town stark naked, as Karl thought he made up. He’d really heard it from Karoz at the bar late the previous night, forgot it, and then twisted up the facts the next day in relaying what he perceived as a fictional story to Homer Simpson. The energy from the woods still has a way of scrambling your brains like that. In truth, Carrcassonnee (who is *always* “naked”, by the way) was testing out the new town shower set up by The Bakers in the 7th spire of Castle Jack right next to Karl’s bar, a most sacred place indeed now. It was a tight fit for the great olive being, but she managed to jam in and enjoy a most pleasurable shower indeed, the best she could remember. But toward the end she’d gotten some soap in her eye and wandered out of the spire through its now phantom prim and into the woods to the west, searching for a towel. Karoz saw her from its edge but was tied up at the moment, unable to help.

The next day, Dr. Blood and Homer find Carrcassone frozen in space and time not far from the beating heart of the woods.

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Just a few spoken words breaks the spell she’s under, and afterwards, they sit around a campfire set up more in the northwest corner of the forest (away from the strongest spots of energy) and share stories of far away lands and incredible journeys. A good night indeed.

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And the best news of all: Carrcassonnee’s eye was not damaged in the incident. If the eye goes out, that means all of Collagesity winks out with it. And we don’t want that. More is at stake now…

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