What Carrcassonnee Meant


Cardboard Derek Jones flirts with fellow flattie Lisa “The Vegetarian” Simpson upon leaving his audience with Carrcassonnee.

What they talked about:


Hey good looking. Haven’t seen you around in a while.

Let’s try that again.


I am sorry to disturb you, sire (that’s what he called Carrcassonnee all through the meeting), but I request that instead of that — eyesore with the giant, prim hogging cat on the top of it just built in our beloved town that we put House Greenup there. This would have pleased Bracket Jupiter as well, I’m sure. He’s not here any longer. You must honor him. And, if I could add, I beg of you to try with all your powerly might to *bring him back*.

Carr. (more booming and “Godly” than with me):

That will not be so, honorable flattie. You must flirt with Lisa before leaving. I will get you a date with my hottie assistant if you write the book and help out baker b. That was him going out the door, you know.


I know. I’ve talked to Baker Bloch quite a number of times in different towns now, starting with VWX Town over in Philudoria. You were there, you and your giant orb of knowingness. You blocked me there too, as I’m recalling. You were an Eastie, weren’t you?


I was a Westie. *You* were an Eastie. Northie, I meant. Mean. You were mean. *And* you were mean, I meant. Meant mean.


I beg of you, sire. Bring Back Bracket.


I will get you a date instead. Lisa the Simpson Vegetarian desires a date. (calling over top of Cardboard Derek Jones’ head) Don’t you sweetie? (Lisa doesn’t answer.) She’s a fully formed girl, now, Mr. James.

CDJ (correcting):

*Jones.* (more humble:) Sire.


By that I mean you cannot see through her any longer. And, by the way, she is me. You flirt with her, you flirt with me. You see that?

CDJ (honestly):

No. (CDJ thought Carr. was joking here)

Carr. (more forcefully):

You can go now and think about what I have spoken to you. You are mean. You are meant to be better. *You* will write the book. That is your punishment. Go your way.

CDJ takes his leave, but, perhaps unwisely (again), flirts will Lisa the V. at the door (see above).

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